Dilatory
by TappinCastlefan
Summary: Marked by procrastination or delay; intended to cause delay; - said of actions or measures.  Post-Knockout, the summary is the definition of the  story.
1. Chapter 1

_Okay, I have absolutely no explanation for where this came from, except that I just started writing today and didn't really stop. Yes, it's based on the word of the day, which I've included, and the definition will come to make sense, I promise. And yes, it's post-finale, though I feel as if it's almost pointless, being so close to the premiere (yay!), yet I couldn't help it. I see this being about 5 chapters? Hopefully. _

_I must say this, I have no real knowledge of medical care, it's all from my head. Also, I'm attempting a different angle on Jim Beckett. Almost everything has him as a more soft-spoken man, and from what I've seen, I think he's a bit more bold. So, I hope you like this. _

_Disclaimer: Only in my wildest fantasies do I own any part of Castle._

_Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

><p><strong><em>dilatory<em>_ \DIL-uh-tor-ee\, adjective:_**

_**1. Tending to put off what ought to be done at once; given to procrastination.**  
><strong>2. Marked by procrastination or delay; intended to cause delay; - said of actions or measures.<strong>  
><em>

* * *

><p>Everything felt…heavy. Like the weight of the world was pushing down on her chest. Her arms felt as if she had spent a few too many hours lifting weights, and though she could curl and flex her toes, the muscles in her knees and calves were obviously pissed at her for making the effort.<p>

She was no idiot, she instantly noticed the raw burn sitting in her chest, after she came to, to the beeping of medical monitors. There was also a screaming pain in her heat, reminding her of her crash to the ground behind the podium.

Behind the podium. At her Captain's funeral.

Her eyes stayed glued shut while she thought. Partially because it felt like far too much work to get them to open. Partially because she knew that the light would be absolutely blinding…and she could already feel the hot swell of tears behind the lids. Her mother was gone, Montgomery was gone – her heart just…ached. And then there was Castle. And what he said. She heard what she thought she heard, right?

It was all too much, without even knowing how much time had passed since she stepped up to that microphone.

Kate let herself slip back into the comfort of sleep. She already felt exhausted again. Knowing that she'd probably feel like this for a while only added to the agony.

* * *

><p>When the tightness in her chest woke her the next time, she found that her head didn't scream in pain so much anymore, but rather firmly whined. It was doubtful that such relief would last, especially when she considered what wakefulness had in store for her.<p>

Someone was sitting next to her, leaning on the bed, clutching her hand. Tentatively, she rolled her toes, pleased at the little pop she felt in her joints. When it didn't hurt _too_ much, she decided to give her fingers a shot.

They still felt like lead, but the twitch she managed was all too satisfying.

"Katie?" Her dad.

"Hi." Her voice sounded foreign to her ears, and she didn't realize until she tried to speak that her throat was on fire. "Hurts," she mumbled.

"Let me get you something." Feeling him move to leave, she popped her eyes open, ignored the sting of the white lights. It took all of her strength to tighten her grip on his fingers.

"No. Stay."

"I'm just getting you a few pieces of ice, it's right here on the side table."

She sighed, and her father could see the strain in her eyes. "Kay."

True to his word, he was back, holding her hand, before she could give it anymore thought. The motor in the bed purred, helping her be a little more upright. "I hit the call button," he told her, "so someone will be in to check you out in a moment." He held a spoon up to her lips, tried not to flinch when she winced at the cool sting of ice in her mouth. "How bad?"

She swallowed, grateful that the burn in her throat eased up. "Somewhere between 'I just need a week of sleep' and 'dying'. Changed every time I take a breath." Kate paused to take in the dark lines adorning his face. He looked like he hadn't slept in days.

Before she could say what she wanted to, her door opened – she just now noticed that she had a private room – and a man in blue scrubs and a camoflauge surgical cap strode in, a petite blonde nurse on his heels.

"Detective Beckett, I'm Dr. Kovax, I performed your surgery." He seemed like a nice enough man. A bit younger than her father. He was smiling, which could only mean that he wasn't bringing bad news – at least, not life-threatening news – and he thankfully wasn't trying to shake her hand. "I know it seems like a silly question, but I have to ask you anyway, how's your pain?"

"Back and forth, depending on how fast I breathe. But, I've only been really awake for a few minutes." Her voice was still raspy, and her speech was far more slurred than she would've liked. But she assumed that she was on some pretty heavy meds.

"That's good." He nodded his head, walking around to her left side. "Pain means your body is trying to heal itself. Now," he looked to both her and her father, "I need to check your incision. Sir, do you want to stay?"

Her dad's eyes met hers and he shrugged. "It's up to you Katie-bug. You want me to stay, I'll stay. Or go, if you want."

The use of her childhood nickname tugged at her heartstrings. "No. I want you to stay." She paused, mouth open, not even sure of how she felt about feeling so out of herself. "Hold my hand?"

He didn't even blink. "Absolutely."

With a hum of his understanding, the doctor gingerly folded back the sheets on Kate's bed, and gave her notice that he was unsnapping the side closure of her thin hospital gown.

The cold hospital air hit her side, making her shiver. However she could clearly tell where her scar would be, when she felt an absence of air over a line of skin. It was as if the flowing air in the room suddenly went stagnant over that particular spot.

It took guts, but she bit the bullet – a really, terribly, appropriate inappropriate metaphor – and looked down to where the doctor's gentle fingers were gently applying pressure to the area.

The line was maybe four inches long, and beamed an angry shade of pink that was trying so hard to be red. The skin was raised, and pursed with stitches, thin lines of purple keeping her whole. At least, she thought, there really wasn't much blood to show.

"It looks good Kate. The bullet didn't hit anything major. I'm not going to lie, you lost a lot of blood while you were in surgery, but you're a very lucky woman." He peeled off his gloves, dropping them in the biohazard bin near the door. "It may not feel like it right now, but you will be back to your normal self." He took her chart from the nurse, who had apparently been reading the monitors while he checked her incision. Kate hadn't even noticed.

She swallowed the lump that had jumped into her throat. "So, what sort of timeline am I looking at?"

"Well," he glanced at her chart, "I want to keep you here for a couple more days. At least until you can get from the bed to the bathroom completely on your own." Suddenly he was staring her down, like her mother used to do when she was young and stupid. "That doesn't mean get up and try the second I leave this room."

"Got it."

"After we decide you're well enough to be home, I want someone living with you, to be on the safe side. And you'll be in physical therapy until your department deems you ready for field work again. At my best guess, I'd say you're about six months out from 'normal'."

Slowly, as he spoke, her grip slipped from her father's. She sighed, not pleased with the diagnosis. But, she thought, as the breath she inhaled made her chest pinch, six months of rehab was better than being dead.

"Okay." She looked at her doctor. "I guess I have no choice, huh?"

"No, you don't." Her father piped in.

Dr. Kovax gave his nurse the nod to the door. "I'm going to get going, leave you to rest. Which you need to make sure you actually do," he stressed. "If you need anything at all just hit the call button."

"Got it." She nodded, watched him leave, closing the door behind himself. There was an awkward silence looming in the room until she mustered up the guts to speak. "I'm so sorry Dad."

He took her hand in his again after scooting his chair closer to her side. "I know you are sweetheart. But there's no way you could've known this would happen."

"No, Dad, that's just it." She was trying so hard to hold back her tears. "I think…I think I knew that they would come for me. Even though Montgomery got our main guy before….there are still more arms, and I know that someone's still out somewhere planning to get me because I-"

"Now, don't you talk like that Katie-bug. I don't want to hear that out of your mouth. Nothing is going to happen, not with that team that's sitting out there waiting to see you." There was a firmness in his face that Kate hadn't seen in a long, long, _long_, time. Not since she was seventeen and broke her curfew by two hours and came home smelling of cheap alcohol.

"Dad, I don't know how long I was out for, but I think you spent too much time with Martha. That would be pretty impressive acting if I weren't a Detective."

He let out a long breath, running a hand over his head. "Almost eight hours."

"What?"

"You were out for almost eight hours. Longest eight hours of my life. Worse than when your mother was in labor with you. And you're right. It scares the hell out of me to think of you off chasing killers everyday. But I like to think that I raised a pretty smart woman who knows how to handle herself."

"Daddy…" Her voice came out small and childish.

"You know, a few days ago I went and asked Rick Castle to talk you out of getting so involved. I thought you'd listen to him. But every person who's out in that waiting room knew that you wouldn't give in. I guess I was in denial."

It took an exorbitant amount of energy, but she brought her hand to rest on his forearm. "I'm so, _so_ sorry Dad. But, I can't let this go. I just…I don't even know what I'd be if I stopped."

"Katie," he leaned forward, "this has been your life for so long. And I'm proud that you're so determined. You're just like your mom in that, you know that?"

The pressure in her eyes was astounding, but she wasn't letting a single tear escape. She was as stubborn as her mother, she knew it, and apparently as stubborn as her father as well.

"You would still be the most amazing Detective in the NYPD, Kate. And I can be okay with that. I'll still worry about you. All the time. But I can be okay just waiting for you to call me every night like we always. Most importantly, you are still _you_."

"But Dad, I don't know what that means." She whined.

"You are still Katherine Beckett. The same little girl who demanded that she be allowed climb the tree in our backyard on her own, and insisted that her arm didn't hurt after she fell on it, even though it was broken in three places. The same thirteen year-old who lectured her mother in the New York Public Library that "young adult fiction" was for teenagers who couldn't grasp real-world issues in classic literature. The same beautiful, confident, intelligent woman who walks the city everyday like she owns it."

His hands were laced together so tightly that she could feel the tension in the muscles of his arm.

"And you will always be my little girl, who saved my life, and reminded me that you are everything to live for."

"Dad," she whispered, "I can't make a promise to you that I'll stop looking. Not right now. But, I can tell you that I will always count on my team to have my back. I won't do anything without them anymore. I trust them with my life."

"Even Castle?"

That stopped her dead in her tracks. Her mind backtracked, thought of all those cases, all those times that he didn't stay in the car, those times that he followed her into dangerous scenes, trusting her completely. She felt the throbbing in her chest and knew.

"Yeah. Even Castle."

Jim watched her think. Clearly, her energy was starting to flag. Her face had flushed, and the strength had fled her fingers.

"Then I think you should probably get some rest. You're going to have a lot of visitors soon." She only nodded, smiling faintly as he stood. "I'm going to go get something to eat. You've still got an IV for a few more hours, but as soon as you've got the 'go' for solid food I'll find you whatever you want, okay?"

She yawned, not happy with how tired she felt again, and so suddenly. "Kay. I love you Daddy."

He leaned over and kissed the top of his head. Kate could tell that he was afraid to try to hug her, so she did her best to wrap her arms up and around the one he had braced on the bed next to her. It was better than nothing.

"I love you too, Katie. More than you know." He slowly backed up and made for the door, pausing just before he pulled on the knob. "Someone will be here when you wake up again. I promise."

"I know." She nodded, watching him go.

It wasn't until the door was closed, and she was alone with her monitors that she let herself go. Feeling terribly small in her crisp hospital bed, she let herself cry, and mourn for everything she thought she knew.

* * *

><p><em>Review?<em>

_:D_


	2. Chapter 2

_I apologize, for those of you who are affected by this, but I have to warn you, this chapter is a bit spoiler-ish. It's up to you to keep going or not, obviously. _

_I'm really rather pleased with the way this is moving along, and I hope to have the next chapter up tomorrow night. Keep your fingers crossed._

_To those of you who left me such fabulous reviews, I cannot thank you enough. They really made me feel great, and made me want to get this up that much faster. You're awesome!  
><em>

* * *

><p>The next time Kate stirred from the haze her medication put her in there were more hushed voices in her room.<p>

It only took a moment for her to determine who it was. She could hear the boys talking about some sports game. It was hard to tell because they were so obviously trying to hide their anger for something else. Lanie must've been sitting nearer to her, because she could smell what she knew to be her best friend's favorite perfume. Every few seconds she could hear her tell Esposito and Ryan to keep their voices down.

She took stock of her body before giving herself away to them. Her chest didn't hurt quite so much anymore, but she could feel the skin along her incision tightening with the stitches. It was bittersweet, because she knew that it would probably start itching soon, and she'd be forbidden to even think about touching it.

Oh god, she realized this also meant sponge baths.

The headache was still there. But she was more used to it at this point; so, it seemed more of an annoyance. Her limbs still felt heavy, and there was still that obnoxious imaginary weight on her torso, but that was something else she'd just have to get used to, she supposed.

Her mouth was dry again from sleep. She smacked her tongue and lips together, hoping for some relief. Yet, all she managed to accomplish was sending herself into a coughing fit, which caught the attention and rapid-fire reaction of her friends in the room. Lanie was instantly pouring her a cup of ice water, and Ryan had his foot on the bed control to ease her up. Esposito was reaching towards the button that would send nurses flying into her room, but she shook her head as best she could to get him to stop.

Lanie gently tipped the cup to her lips and carefully rubbed her back to ease the coughing. Her coughing eased with the water, but she had a hard time catching her breath. Air was coming in short, ragged gasps, and the pain of her lungs tightening and releasing so quickly brought tears to her eyes.

"Hey, hey, honey, look at me, just at me." Ryan took the cup so that Lanie could move her hands to grasp her shoulders, her face only a few inches away. "Come on, relax," she coaxed. Kate focused her eyes to Lanie's through the fog of tears and let her voice calm her down. "Deep breath in, you can do it." The ME demonstrated, "hold it in, and let it out slow."

It took a few minutes, but she managed to get control of her breathing. Once she made what her little entourage deemed a suitable demonstration of her capabilities, they backed down. Lanie settled back into her chair, Esposito at her side, and Ryan standing on the opposite side of her bed.

Kate's voice was scratchy this time from the coughing and heaving. "How long was I out for this time?"

"Your dad came out and went to get to get dinner. That was last night, 'bout six o'clock. We made him go home to get some real food and decent sleep before coming back."

She rubbed a hand over her face, swiping at the tear tracks on her cheekbones. "He went all the way home? He lives an hour outside of the city. And what time is it now?"

There was a fairly decent amount of sunlight streaming through the window, and the boys were no longer in their uniforms, so they must've had time to go change. Lanie was in jeans and a Colombia t-shirt, rather than her black dress and heels.

"He uh…went to stay with Castle," Ryan started. "He told us that he didn't want to be so far away from you overnight. I think they were going to take a drive out to his place this morning on the way here. The three of us stayed with you last night."

From the corner of her eye she saw Esposito check his watch. "And it's a little after eight AM now."

Kate hummed, "Guess I should be thankful for the opportunity to get a straight fourteen hours of sleep." Her sentence wasn't even complete before Lanie was shooting her a disapproving look. She could tell her strength was up a bit when her muscles didn't cry out at her reaching out for her girl's hand. "You didn't have to stay here last night. I would've been fine."

"Girl, if you think I'm letting you alone you've got another thing coming." Her voice was hard and clipped, her hand tight. "You're not gonna be alone, not for a long time."

Kate sighed, letting herself fall back into the mattress.

"Ryan, Jenny can't be okay with this. She's your fiancé." She looked to her friend, hoping that he'd agree. Even though most of her was pretty sure that wouldn't happen.

"No, she's not okay." Her brows lifted at his start. "She wanted to come too, but she had to work. She's planning on finding a sub so that she can be here tomorrow for sure, and she'll probably be here as soon as school's out today."

"And what about you guys. You have your own work to do."

"Negative, boss." Esposito ran his hand back and forth across Lanie's back as he spoke, "We put in for leave as soon as you got out of surgery. And since the department's a little up in the air right now anyway, it wasn't too hard to have it approved."

She was utterly at a loss for what to do. "But Lanie-"

"I have a whole load of vacation days saved up."

Her tone was flat, frustrated. "This can't possibly what you call a 'vacation'."

"Your health is more important to me than a vacation."

Kate looked around at the three faces giving her tender smiles. Somehow, over the course of her career, she acquired this little unconventional family. And she had no idea where she'd be without them. "I'm not going to get rid of you guys am I?"

Each smile in the room grew as they laughed.

"Not a chance, sweetie."

"We're not going anywhere," Ryan agreed.

"Besides," Esposito huffed, "Castle said he'll cover us if we go over paid leave."

"Oh," her voice came out a whisper, "where is Castle anyway?"

It was the best she could do to make it sound like a nonchalant question. The three other pairs of eyes in the room flashed with uncertainty, met, and looked back to Kate.

"He's been hanging out in the downstairs lobby." She could always count on Javier Esposito to tell her the truth. He stood as the brother she never had, though, she couldn't decide if his role was to be the older or younger brother. Sometimes he would do things that seemed incredibly childish, but it was the moments like this that urged her to look at him as her protective big sibling.

"Why?" The distance confused her. Usually she couldn't get shake the writer loose for anything.

The sound of Lanie's sigh rippled through the room as she leaned against the edge of Kate's bed. Her hand came to rest on the detective's knee, squeezing lightly through the layers of thin blankets.

"There was a fight, between him and Josh. It got pretty tense."

Shock echoed through her body. How could they be so stupid? And what the hell did they think they had to fight about?

Ryan shifted from his place against the wall, folded his arms across his chest in a nervous, but determined manner. "Josh sort of told Castle that it's his fault you got shot…"

"And," his partner picked up, "Castle sort of believes him."

"We think." Lanie cut him off. There was a certain force to her tone that told Kate she was still more than a little miffed about it.

"Yeah." Esposito nodded. "We think he believes him. He won't really talk to us. 'S just kinda sitting there with a cup of bad hospital coffee."

"He's been here for a couple of hours now." Ryan's voice ran heavy, "You want me to see if he'll come up?"

"No, I-" The words tumbled out of her mouth before she knew what she was saying. With a shake of her head, she pushed her hair back behind her ears. She closed her eyes, took one deep breath, even knowing that she was being watched. "No, I need to figure some stuff out first. Is my phone here? Or is it with my…I didn't even think about it. Did someone take my uniform?"

Ryan stopped her with a hand to her shoulder. "Your phone is here. We managed to get all of your personal belongings. And yes, your uniform was taken by CSU to get checked out. And before you ask, they have our bullet too."

_Your _bullet. _Her_ bullet.

Like she asked for it or something.

"Okay. Lanie…" she whispered, "do you have it?"

"Yeah, I do." She reached a hand down, into her purse, and pulled out a small, plum silk jewelry bag. "Here," she stood as she unzipped the pouch and pulled out the long chain with her mother's ring on it.

Kate bowed her head, letting Lanie drop it over and pull her hair out from underneath the chain. She smiled when the familiar weight of the ring came to rest against her chest. She had known when she got dressed that morning that she wasn't technically supposed to be wearing the piece with her dress blues, but she hadn't thought she would've gotten through the ceremony without it. The ring she could hide beneath her jacket, her father's watch was less conspicuous, and was still sitting in the jewelry box on her dresser. "Thank you."

Lanie simply offered her a thin smile. The boys were starting to squirm on their spots, and Kate had that look on her face that only _she_ knew meant something was up.

"Javi," she trailed her hand down his arm, "why don't you and Ryan go out and get Kate some real breakfast?"

He leaned in, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Sure chica. You want anything?"

"You know what I like. Now go, my girl's gotta be getting hungry for decent food about now."

"On it." He and Ryan saluted the two women as they left the room, and for a moment, Kate questioned whether the gesture was joking or serious.

When the door clicked shut, Lanie turned on her. She propped a hip up on the edge of the bed so that she was sitting on it, the two of them looking at each other. "Alright. What's going on?"

"Lanie, did they really fight?"

The hummed "mhmm" that came from her friend's mouth came coupled with her oh so characteristic eyebrow lift. A look Kate had seen at least a thousand times.

"Just how 'tense' was it?"

Lanie cocked her head. "Honestly, it was less of a fight, and more of Josh yelling and pointing fingers. Javi had to forcibly back him off of Castle."

Pressure was building up in her face, behind her eyes, in her head. She hated…feeling.

"Your dad kind of stepped in, too. Castle looked pretty shaken up afterwards. His mom had to sit him down. That's when he closed up on us."

There was no reason for Josh to round on Castle like that, she thought. She told him about her mother out of courtesy for her boyfriend. They were together for nearly a year, it was only right of her to share. He wasn't supposed to take up arms for her cause and go around bullying her partners.

"You said my phone's here right?" She looked around to the dresser next to her bed, but was afraid to reach for the drawer. "I need to call him."

"Call who?" She blinked and Lanie's hand was holding hers again. "Josh? Or Castle?"

"I…both of them. But, I need to talk to Josh first. This can't keep going on."

Lanie bent down so that she was in Kate's line of vision. "Kate you need to explain yourself. I'm trying to help but I don't know where you're going with this. What can't keep going on?"

"This Lanie!" She didn't intend to yell, but all the frustration of being broken, and sore, and tired really _really_ pissed her off, and she was so damn frustrated with being frustrated.

She thumped her arms against the top of the bed with all the force she could. "My life is screwed up, and I'm stuck laying here. You're all going around taking care of me, I can't do a thing for myself, and I just want to throw something through the wall! But I can't because my arms are so hard to move at all."

Lanie sat, stoic as possible. She knew that Kate needed to ride out the anger. And this certainly wouldn't be the one and only time this would happen. That was for sure. Kate was far too strong a woman to willingly be taken care of.

"And I need to talk to Josh, because I can't deal with his crap anymore. I could put up with it before…this, but I'm too tired to think about it, I just want to be past this. I thought we'd be able to work everything out. I guess I knew this would happen, but I sort of figured _I'd_ be the one he'd pick the fight with."

"Honey are you sure you want to go there with him now? You told me you guys were having a tough time, but if it's _that_ bad, I'm not sure I want you to stress over it when your body's trying to heal."

"Exactly Lanie." She could feel her chest pulling again, warning her to cool off. Her breathing was more strained. "It's too stressful knowing that Josh is just one big loose knot right now. I need to tie it off and be done with this. It's more of a toll if I put it off. I'm done…putting things off. I have to get it over with."

"Okay," Lanie squeezed her hand, "but only if you're absolutely sure."

"I am Lanie," Kate squeezed back – a light squeeze, but a squeeze nonetheless. "I'm sure. And thank you, really, for everything. And thanks in advance for the next few months. If anyone's going to be the annoying friend who won't leave my side, except when she's out with her boyfriend," Lanie lightly slapped her leg, "I'm glad it's you."

"Me too, Hon. Like I told you before, you're not getting rid of me. Not for anything. Just do me one favor, okay?"

"Anything. What?"

"Get some rest before you call Josh, alright? You're tired, don't try to fight it. And if you're setting yourself up for a knockdown drag-out with him, you'll need the energy."

The yawn that pushed its way past her lips reaffirmed the suggestion. "Fine. I'll see you later?"

Lanie leaned over, giving her the closet thing to a hug she would get, "You got it. Text me to let me know you're alright afterwards?"

"You got it."

"Just relax. It'll all work out."

Again Kate was left alone in her room. She noticed that Lanie must've dropped the remote next to her hand on the bed, probably purposely. The button gave beneath her fingertip, and the TV mounted on the wall hummed to life.

She was still thinking as she scanned through the channels, steeling herself for what she was going to say to Josh later. In a flash she stopped punching the 'channel up' button when an episode of _Temptation Lane_ caught her eye.

The remote fell to her side again with a comforting 'plop' on the sheet. Kate let herself attempt a snuggle under the blanket, let herself forget her frustrations, absentmindedly rolling the ring hanging from her neck between her thumb and forefinger.

For the first time since opening her eyes in the hospital, she felt almost…relaxed.

And her chest ached a little less. 

* * *

><p><em>Yes? No? <em>


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks so much to everyone who's been reading. Hopefully I'll get another chapter up next. There's only two more chapters to go!  
><em>

_(Again, I know nothing about medical details, and don't have time to research them. So, please don't hold it against me.)_

* * *

><p>She didn't quite 'sleep' after Lanie and the boys left her alone, but she certainly rested. Drifted in and out of a comfortable dark haze. She was almost certain that Lanie had hit the pump for her meds on the way out – what was the point of self-medicating if everyone else did it for you? – but, she felt too relaxed to care.<p>

The fact that she could move her arms and legs a bit helped, too.

At some point while she was less conscious, someone brought in a bag, full of what smelled to be various pastries. The generous deliverer had left the bag on the table, wheeled right up to her bedside where she could easily reach. There was even a cup of water with it.

No note, she noticed as she pulled out a chocolate éclair. But, she was pretty sure she could thank her partners for the heaven of real food. The doctor must have given her the all clear for sometime in the last few hours.

For a brief moment she contemplated making a call or two, asking for some company. But then she remembered what Lanie had said, that she wouldn't be alone for a long time, and decided rather to take advantage of this opportunity for some quiet.

Kate was in the middle of picking apart her treat when there was a soft knock on her door. She licked a smudge of chocolate off of her thumb as she looked up, two red heads greeting her with cautious smiles.

"Is this a good time, Darling, or would you like us to come back later?"

"No, no," she assured, "now is fine. Just don't tell me you're coming to top off my painkillers."

"Of course not, dear." Martha strode over in her grand fashion. She looked a little worn down, wearing an uncharacteristic pair of jeans, though, coupled with a bright floral top and drapes of jewelry.

Alexis wore a neutral mask as she followed behind. There was no way to tell how the girl _really_ felt.

Before she could open her mouth to ask, Martha was standing next to her, gently stroking her hair with the tips of her fingers. "How are you feeling though, honestly?"

Kate looked at the woman who was the closest thing she could call a mother. Why should she lie to her? Could she, even? Probably not. Martha was fantastic at reading people, and she knew from Castle that his mother could see through any act.

"Honestly?" She almost laughed, "I can't decide if I'm more angry about what happened, or having to be stuck like this."

"Are the two mutually exclusive?"

"I guess not," she sighed. "I think right now I just really wish I could take a shower. I feel gross from sitting here for so long, but they don't want me out of the bed for anything until later tonight, or tomorrow." She couldn't help the depressed look that fell across her face. And she really didn't regret it much either, it _was_ a depressing situation.

"Hey, at least you can have all the calories you want, right?" Alexis feigned a smile, motioning to her half-eaten éclair. "There's something to be said for guilt-free eating."

Kate returned her small smile, "I suppose that's a silver lining, to some extent. But I could really go for a shower," she laughed, grateful for the two who were willing to laugh along without giving her a lecture.

"Well, how about this, dear?" Martha reached into her purse, pulling out a brand new hairbrush, some elastics, and a little squirt bottle of water. "We can at least try and make you feel a little more refreshed while you're here."

"That would be wonderful Martha, thank you." She took the older woman's hand for a beat, giving it a thankful squeeze. When she looked back to Alexis, she found that she had taken out a small nail file and a few bottles of polish. "Oh, Alexis, you don't have to-"

"I want to. I want you to feel better, so if this is all I can do to help, I'm going to. I know that a good manicure always makes me feel better when I'm sick or down."

The smile that cracked on Kate's face was genuine, yet concerned. Though, she wasn't going to go _there_ yet.

"Thanks Alexis."

"Anytime Detective," she nodded.

"Kate." She looked to both of them before they got to work. "Call me Kate."

They both nodded their agreement, and set to work. Martha separated out small sections of her hair, gently spritzing them with water, brushing out the tangles that had accumulated in a day's worth of sleep. Alexis had taken her right hand, shaping her nails with a file.

They were right, she thought, it felt really good to have someone taking care of her, and _not_ simply shoving medication and food in her. Sometimes there were other things that needed attention instead of just pain.

But then again, there were different types of pain, now weren't there?

"I wish you guys were around the last time I was here." She whispered, her eyes closed in comfort and contentment.

"Last time?" Martha paused while brushing out her hair, "How long ago was that, Darling?"

"Oh," Kate startled, not realizing that she had actually spoken aloud. "Um, winter of '08?" She thought back, "Yeah, that's right."

Alexis shook a bottle of clear polish, working out the air bubbles. "What happened, Kate?" She took to painting the foundation while she listened.

"I didn't get shot or anything then, but I got really roughed up during a take-down in a shadier neighborhood. Esposito and I had gone in to take in a suspect, who was clearly not willing to go down without a fight. The guy thought I'd be an easier target because I was a woman, but he ended up getting a tour of the hospital too, because I cracked his knee and twisted his arm in the struggle."

"What about you?" Alexis's voice was timid, not going unnoticed by the detective.

"I ended up with a broken wrist and this gorgeous purple bruise on my face that stayed for two weeks. But, the guy we were taking in was at least six foot, and probably two-fifty, two-eighty? If I didn't keep myself up on hand-to-hand he probably could've pummeled me."

"Sounds like you've got luck on your side." Martha had finished 'washing' her hair, and started a loose French braid.

"I keep thinking that I've used up my allotted amount of good luck and one day I'm going to hit a wall."

"Kate," Alexis sounded shocked, "how many times have you been in the hospital?"

"I've gotten hurt on the job a few times, minor stab wounds, I've been grazed. Definitely have had my share of bruises and cuts. But, this is the most serious injury I've had."

Alexis made a non-committal noise, held out a couple of bottles of polish to her.

"That one," Kate gave her a warm look, pointing to a bottle of a light-coral color. "You okay, Alexis?"

"Yeah," she sighed, "I'm fine."

She didn't quite believe her, but Kate felt like now probably wasn't the best time to push the point. "How long have you two been here? What time is it even?"

Martha tied off the tail of a braid and sat down in the chair Lanie had been in earlier. "It's nearly noon. We've only been here for about an hour. Detective Ryan said that you were sleeping when he stopped in earlier, so we decided to leave you to yourself for a while."

Well, that explained where the food and water came from.

"Everyone's just been hanging around in one of the family waiting rooms," Alexis said. "Dad ordered in subs and salads and stuff, and they've got a marathon of 'How I Met Your Mother' on FX, so we've all been around."

"You guys don't have to stay here. I mean, there's nothing exciting about me sitting in bed, eating and watching reruns of Temptation Lane."

Martha smiled knowingly. "Don't sell yourself short. You matter to us, there's nowhere else we'd rather be." She stood, pulling her bag over her shoulder. "Now, I'm off to run a few quick errands," she leaned over to kiss Kate's cheek, "but I'll be back later, Dear."

She strutted out of the room with a flourish, leaving her with a clearly distraught teenager.

"I'd ask you if you were missing school, but I think I know you well enough to figure out that you've thought this through."

"Yeah," she didn't meet Kate's eyes. "I couldn't concentrate last night, so I decided that I can afford to miss a couple of days for you."

"Alexis, I don't want you to think that you have to put things to the side because of me."

"Well, what was I supposed to do? Go to school wondering if you'd survived the night?" She sucked in a breath, crying just over the horizon. "I couldn't do that."

"Alexis," Kate reached out, tipping the girls chin up. She waited for her to close the bottle of nail polish and put it on the table. "I'm so sorry that you had to be here for all of this. I never wanted any of this to happen, I hope you know that."

Her voice was shaky, yet strong when she spoke. "I do. I really do, Kate. Hearing the stories and reading the books are so much different than the real thing. Than seeing you…go down like that. Seeing Dad jump after you. I see him everyday, and I know how he feels and what he thinks, but I don't think you really get it."

"I-"

"No. Do you realize that it could've been him? That my dad could be laying in the hospital bed right now? Kate he's sitting out there killing himself because he thinks he wasn't fast enough to push you out of the way." Her breathing was heavy, weighted with fear and anger. "And this isn't the first time I've seen him like that. Every time you have a tough case, or a close call, he talks himself into believing that _he_ did something wrong. He's a writer Kate. Not a cop."

"Alexis I would insist that he quit following me in a heartbeat if that's what you wanted. I've thought about it before. How long have you been worried like this?"

"A while."

"I wish you would've come to me. We've talked before, why couldn't you tell me about this, too?"

"Because don't you see that you make him happy? I've never seen him work so hard."

"I don't know what to tell you Alexis. I really, really wish you would have told me how you felt before now. I would have figured something out."

Kate told herself that she wasn't going to cry anymore. But the look in Alexis's eyes was so sincere. She was so clearly terrified. Almost unsure of which way was up. Kate knew that feeling and hated herself for causing it in someone so innocent and perfect as Alexis.

"Alexis, do you want me to tell your dad to quit? Because I will. If that's what you want, I won't even hesitate." She took Alexis's hand, rubbing gentle circles on the back. "If you think you'll sleep better at night, and be able to focus, and be a teenager, all you have to do is say the word and it's done."

"But that's just it! I don't want to have to do that to him. I don't want you to make him leave. That would make things even worse! I want you to open your eyes and see that he wants to be with you, not just follow you around. He loves you Kate, and you don't see it."

"No." She turned her head, trying to shake the chill and push of tears. "I do know Alexis. But right now things are complicated. And I have a few things to take care of first. I told Lanie earlier, and I'm telling you know, I know what I'm going to do about everything, you just have to give me a little bit of time."

Alexis's chest heaved with the deep breath she took in and let out. She managed to squeak out a small "okay." There was a silence as she put away the polish and nail file, wiping her eyes before turning back to Kate.

"Kate it was so fast. One second you were giving the eulogy, and then everyone was screaming and you were on the ground. And I couldn't see from where I was, and….I couldn't find my dad because he was over you."

"Oh Alexis," she opened her arms, "come here." The girl practically flew into her embrace. "I'm so, _so_, sorry. I can't say it enough. Can you do me a favor? When you go back to the lounge?"

"Yeah." Her voice was muffled against Kate's shoulder. She pushed off, using the mattress rather than Kate's body for leverage. "What?"

"Can you give everyone a hug for me? I mean everyone." She smiled when Alexis nodded. "And can you tell your dad that I'll talk to him later? Maybe around dinnertime? Tell him I promise?"

"Sure. Is there anything you need before I go?"

"Just promise me that next time you're worried, about anything, you'll come and talk to me instead of panicking and getting stressed and upset."

"Yeah." She wiped up the last big of moisture from her cheeks, a small laugh breaking through her frown.

"Okay," Kate sighed. "Now, I think I need another nap, unfortunately, I'm starting to get a little sore again. But, thank you for the manicure," she held out her painted nails, "and the hairstyling. I feel a bit more human now."

"Anytime Kate. I'll see you later."

Kate waved, watching her go. She thumped back against the bed and yelped when the motion triggered a sharp pain in her chest. At least she was alone. Reluctantly she reached out to hit the release for a dose of painkillers. That would bring relief to the new ache, and sleep. After sleeping – really sleeping, not drifting – hopefully her head would be clear again, and she would stop putting off the inevitable.

* * *

><p><em>Thanks for reading!<em>


	4. Chapter 4

_Thanks so much to everyone who's been following this little fic. I'm really gonna try and get the last chapter up tomorrow morning before I head to tap practice. _

_And, onto the penultimate chapter!  
><em>

* * *

><p>There was a nurse in her room when Kate woke up. It took her a moment to break through the cloud of fog in her head left behind from her meds, but she noticed that it was the same nurse who had first come in with her doctor last night.<p>

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." She fumbled with her pen. Kate could only assume that she had come in to check those monitors again, not that she knew what they were recording.

"No," Kate yawned, trying to push herself back up against the bed. She had slid down during her nap, and figured that she probably looked about five years old, all wrapped in blankets, surrounded by pillows. "I think I was probably waking up on my own, and I'm tired of sleeping anyway."

The blonde nurse smiled, and moved to rest her pen and the file on the rolling table. "Well, I hate to tell you, but sleeping is probably going to be one of your top activities for a while. I'm Courtney, by the way. You'll see a lot of me while you're here."

"Kate," she held our her hand, noticing that it was slightly easier to do so, "nice to meet you."

"Don't lie to me, I'm sure you wish you weren't here right now."

She laughed, just barely, "I guess you're right. But how many people would wish that they had gotten shot?"

"Very few, I'd wager. Regardless, if there's anything you need, at all, let me know. I'm here to help you as long as you're stuck in this room."

"Do you happen to know how long I'm stuck in this room?" Her fingers were toying with the edge of her topmost blanket, picking at the few threads fraying from the seam.

Her nurse sighed, "Like Dr. Kovax said, he wants to make sure you can walk around a bit before he lets you go home. It's just barely been a day since your surgery, so I'm afraid you're going to have to wait until tomorrow. Then we can try and get you up for a few minutes, if you're doing really well you can take a lap or two around the room with a walker, or a few strong arms. For now, relax," she motioned her arms as if to make sure Kate would stay put, "your pain medication will be drastically decreased by the time tomorrow rolls around, and you'll be able to stay awake longer."

"Alright," she scrubbed her hands over her face, "can you do me a favor really quick before you go?"

"Anything," she nodded.

She looked over to the nightstand. "Can you just grab my phone for me? It should be in that top drawer."

Nurse Courtney quickly padded over, pulling the phone out without hesitation. She dropped it in Kate's waiting hand with a smile. "Anything else you need?"

For a moment, she sat on her thought. She really wasn't going to ask, but if Lanie knew that she had forgone an opportunity to make progress, she'd kill her. "Um, you wouldn't know if Dr. Josh Davidson was in right now, would you?"

"No, I can't say I do. But I can go check if you want-"

"That's okay," she gave her phone a little shake, holding it up, "I'll just call him. Thank you for offering though."

"No problem. Is he a friend of yours?"

"Yeah. Just a friend. I ah, just need to tell him something, and I'd rather do it in person, you know?"

"Of course." Her nurse waved her goodbye, leaving her staring at her phone.

With a heavy heart Kate pulled up her contact list, and thumbed down to his number. Faster than she would've cared for, the phone was dialing, and then the ringing came through.

And he picked up.

"_Hey._" his voice was somewhat of a whisper.

"Hey, are you free right now?"

"Yeah, sure. Do you want me to come by?"

"Could you?"

"Give me ten minutes." And the line clicked off.

Ten minutes seemed nowhere near long enough for her to organize all the thoughts she had swirling around in her head. How was she supposed to just end something that had been for nearly a year? How could she tell the man who picked her up after she fell that she didn't need him anymore? How could she tell her biking partner that there was someone else that she wanted to ride with? Even if that someone didn't know how.

She had no clue what the answers were. The knock on her doorframe jolted her from even trying to conjure something up.

What the hell? She thought, she'd wing it.

He looked nervous and blank as he stepped softly into her room. Moving to sit at her side, he rubbed his palms down the sides of his blue scrubs. Was he really nervous?

Her own insides were jumping at the picture of him actually being here. She felt like she hadn't seen him in so long, a fault that was hers just as much as his.

"How-" he brought his fist to his face to cover a cough. "How are you feeling?"

So this was how it was going to go.

"Better. Better than I could be, I guess. At least, better than last night. I've slept a lot."

"Yeah, I know." He leaned over, resting his forearms on his knees, linking his fingers together. "How the hell did this happen to you Kate? You were at a funeral. I don't get it."

"I really don't know. Just that they're trying to get me, and I don't even know who 'they' are, so that's all I can give you for an answer." She was staring him down, even though he was looking at his hands.

"Everyday I think about you going out there and dealing with the scum of the city. I know you know how to use a gun, and I know that you're pretty damn strong, but it still bothers me. Yesterday morning when I left, Kate? You said you were going to your captain's funeral. That doesn't exactly scream 'shootout'. I thought you were safe."

"Nothing's safe."

"And you think that's a good enough excuse?" He shot up from his chair, his voice raised. Kate let him have a few seconds to drag his hands through his hair and think before she spoke again.

"And you think don't worry every time you get on a plane and jet off to some third world country where there's no electricity or plumbing or phone service?"

"But I go with other doctors! If something happened they could help!"

"Please, that's your argument? I was there with other cops Josh! Surrounded by them. But even the best officers I know are powerless after the trigger's been pulled."

He paced, just taking heaving breaths. Kate hated that she could only watch, and couldn't get in his face like she wanted to. But then she remembered what the guys and Lanie had said. About a fight? Stupidly, her eyes wandered, and widened when they noticed the faint marks of a bruise on his fist.

Josh spun, seeing where she was looking, stuttered. "I didn't hit him," he ran his left hand over his bruised right. "I hit the wall. In one of the on-call rooms. I'm sorry, Kate, but I was really mad."

"Josh," she closed her eyes and shook her head, "I think we need to talk."

"No, Kate-"

"No, Josh. We can't keep doing this. We can't be worrying about each other from three thousand miles away. It's not fair to either of us."

"But what if-"

"Aren't 'what if's' how we got here?" It pained her to have to put him through this, but she had been thinking about it. For longer than she should have been, if she were really honest. "The first time I saw you at that coffee shop you said 'what if we went riding bikes together sometime?'. And it's turned into both of us asking 'what if something happens?' everyday. We're only succeeding in making ourselves resent each other."

"I hate this, you know. I hate that you're right."

"I do too. I've really liked being with you, Josh. But this isn't fun anymore. Maybe we're both just so into our work that we make sure everything _is_ work. Being together shouldn't be work, it should just be being together."

Josh sat again, but this time he pulled the chair closer to her side, taking her hand. "Do you love him?"

"What?" Her brow furrowed, confused. "What do you mean?"

His thumbs were rubbing back and forth on her palm. "Do you love Castle?"

"I…I don't know." Her voice was so quiet that she wasn't even sure she had actually spoken. But Josh must've heard her, because he was kissing her hand and standing before her.

"You need to find out. I want you to find out, and I hope it works out well for you."

"Thank you." She smiled, just a faint line, "I really meant it though. I had a really great time…when things were good."

"Me too. You get better alright? I want to hear your name in the news report when you finally catch the bastard who did this."

"You just wait. I'll be back to kicking ass in no time."

"I'm counting on it."

It seemed wrong that she was most willing to smile when he was leaving. But, at least they weren't parting angry. Well, Josh was probably still a little mad at her, but she couldn't really blame him. She was the one who was lying in a bed with a bullet wound.

There was no turning back now. No more hiding and putting it off. Kate took a deep breath and picked up her phone, her finger hovered. What seemed like forever passed before she hit 'call'. 

* * *

><p><em>Thanks! Lemme know what you think!<em>

_Tappin_

_=) _


	5. Chapter 5

When he picked up the phone Kate thought he sounded lost. It was a kick to her stomach to hear him sound so depressed. Just a simple "hello" was all he greeted her with, almost as if he hadn't even looked at the caller ID.

"Castle?"

"_Kate?"_ He must have lost his grip on his phone, for a faint second, because she heard the thump of hands against the speaker. _"Wha-why are you calling me?"_

"Oh, come on Castle, I'm sure someone told you I was awake. You want to tell me why you're hiding out in the waiting room?" Everything she had went into trying to lighten her voice, to try to ease the strain.

"_I…don't know what to tell you."_ God, she thought, he sounded like she had actually died.

"Well so far I've seen everyone but my partner. You want to come up for a bit?"

"_Sure. Sure. Just, ah, give me a few minutes."_

"Sure," she replied, laughing faintly, "don't make me send out a search party."

"_I'll be there soon."_

With that he hung up. Kate sat staring at her phone. He sounded so unlike himself, and despite the warning she had gotten from everyone, it still didn't sit right in her stomach. What was she going to do with him?

She tapped her fingers in rhythm against the rail on her bed. Yesterday morning everything was fine. Well…not 'fine' per se, but she wasn't broken.

Well, that wasn't really entirely true either, she thought.

She'd been broken for a while, and she knew it. She let her feelings get in her way again and she let herself be obsessed. Ever since they found Lockwood, their John Doe, she had been obsessed again.

Castle had been there. And he made her feel like she wasn't so out of control…even though she knew that she was. Maybe she was addicted to murder and he was her enabler. She really didn't care.

All that mattered to Kate Beckett right now was that she was in pain, her partner even more so.

Because that's what he was, really and truly, she realized, waiting for him to show up. Richard Castle, famed author, was _her_ partner. He always showed up, always by her side.

What the hell was she going to say to him?

She could lie, but he would know. He could read her as well as she could read his books.

But she heard what he said when she hit the ground. He _loved_ her. A strong word, which people don't throw around aimlessly. She was a detective, she could put together the evidence, and she just knew, there was no way he was just spouting pleasantries.

He loved her.

She couldn't help the ear-to-ear grin that sprouted on her face. It made her feel like a teenager again, to know he cared about her. Like she used to do when she was in high school, and Brent Edwards would smile at her from across the room, she chewed on her thumbnail, still grinning, deep in thought.

The sound of a throat clearing came from the doorway, and there he was.

Rick Castle, standing in the door to her hospital room, dressed in jeans and a plain button down, much more casual than she was used to.

"Hey." He whispered.

"Hi," she smiled at him, "come sit with me."

"Are you sure?" She noticed that his hands fell limp at his side, his posture was somewhat depreciated.

"Of course." Kate cocked her head, mock scowling at him, "Seriously Castle, I've just been sitting here. I won't bite. They haven't even given me my gun back yet, you're safe."

He sighed, a weighted, deep breath, running a hand through his hair. His heavy footfalls carried him to her bedside, and she was struck with the startling reality that this was worse than she thought.

"Castle," she kept her voice soft as he sat, "I don't – I don't know what to say. But, I heard about the fight."

"Figured you would. Nothing gets away from you Detective."

There was a glaze over his eyes, either from lack of sleep or stress. More likely both. Alexis had probably come down hard on him too, judging by their conversation earlier. The ache in her chest was nagging at her, but again, she couldn't determine just why.

"Well, I wouldn't have known had Lanie not told me. What the hell happened Castle?"

He shifted nervously in his chair, making her feel terrible for making him feel like he was in interrogation. They've already been there twice, and she had no desire to relive that experience.

"I don't really know. We were standing in the hallway, and Josh came out, and before I can get my sentence out I'm shoved against the wall. Esposito had to pull him off, and your dad was none too pleased."

"Yeah, well neither am I."

"I'm sorry, I…shouldn't have gotten in the way."

"Castle, if you hadn't gotten in the way I'd be dead right now." Her voice was flat, bare and honest. "And you shouldn't be the one apologizing, I should be."

"No, you didn't do anything wrong."

"Yeah, I did. I let you get so much closer to this than you should be. I put you in the line of fire, and now your daughter is petrified to be away from you and they guys are worried about you, and I'm-" she ran her hands over her face, pushing back the frustration as best she could, "I don't even know what I am. But, I owe you my life Rick."

"You don't owe me anything," he argued without hesitation.

"Yes. I do."

"Without me you probably wouldn't be laying here right now."

"Exactly, I'd be in a morgue somewhere and all you would have is a ballistics report. Castle, if you hadn't shown up I never would've gotten so close to finding my mom's killer. So, don't say that I don't owe you anything, because I owe you everything."

"I guess you're never going to let me win an argument are you?" There was a little more light to his face, and just barely more of a smile. It was enough to tell her that they were getting there.

Kate tried to edge closer to him on her bed, but the movement triggered something in her chest, a tightness in her side that would surely take a great deal of therapy to stretch back to strength. Her arm locked up at the pain, and she cried out in frustration.

"What? What is it?" He was panicked, certainly, springing to his feet to get what she needed.

Her better, right arm flew out, seeking something to grab onto to displace her weight. "Just, pull me that way. Towards you."

"Really?"

"Just do it Castle! This hurts."

"Okay," he rushed. "Okay." Instead of merely pulling, he reached around her back with his left arm, his right hand firmly gripped in hers. He cradled her left arm to her side, holding at her elbow. Gently he pulled her up, braced her against his own body, until she was upright again, and at the edge of the bed, leaning up against the railing.

"Thank you," she huffed. "Just lost my balance. Thank you for catching me."

He nodded, the subtext not escaping him. He was a writer after all. "Does it really hurt that bad?"

She tilted her head side to side. "It's better now than it was this morning. They're keeping me pretty doped up, but this is the first time all day I can see perfectly clearly. I'd rather feel the pain than be so stoned all I can do is sleep. Reminds me I'm still alive, you know?"

"Yeah."

They sat, for minutes, what seemed like hours, just looking at each other. Looking at everything and nothing. Kate saw the lines around his eyes, that she _knew_ weren't there a week ago. His skin was paler, and heavy. It looked as if it hung on his skull. It made her wonder how bad she looked.

Her hair was braided, draped over her shoulder, Rick noticed. But he knew his mother and daughter had been in earlier, determined to give her a mini-hospital appropriate-makeover. It was well deserved. She looked tired, in pain, but human. She didn't have that plastic, ghostly look as gunshot victims so often did on television. That slight pallor in her face and arms could be explained by the blood loss her doctor had told them about. Given a few days, Rick was sure she'd look more like the Kate Beckett he knew.

"Rick?" Her voice was uncharacteristically timid and tentative. Only barely forceful.

"Yeah?"

"I-god, this is so not how I wanted this to go." She moved to prop her head up with her hand, on the bedrail. "I wish I were as good with words as you are. I'm jealous of that sometimes. You always know just what to say, and I could use some of that skill right now."

"Well, Detective, I in fact have a great many skills." The playful tone was coming back to his voice, slowly, but it was. It made her smile again.

"There's the Rick Castle I know. I guess…I'm just gonna say this, okay?" He nodded, somewhat worried.

"I broke up with Josh. About twenty minutes ago."

Not once did her gaze waver from his. She was going to show him that she was serious. There was no room for error here, and it scared her.

"I'm sorry?"

A laugh escaped her lips, completely spontaneously. "Please, don't be. You don't need to hide it anymore Castle, I know you didn't like him."

"Why, Beckett! I've never heard such accusations."

"Really, Castle? Am I wrong?"

"You, Katherine Beckett, are rarely, if ever, wrong about anything."

"So then, I heard right? After I went down. What you said?"

He sighed, eyes darting away to his hands folded in his lap.

"Castle. Rick, if there was ever a time that I wanted to be right, it's now. Please look at me."

Slowly his head tilted up, nervous, solemn eyes meeting her eager look.

"You said you loved me. Didn't you?"

"I can't take it back. But, if you want me to leave I will. I'll…do whatever you want me to do."

"Rick," she reached out, leaning over despite the twinge in her side, it wasn't as important right now, "if I wanted you to take it back I wouldn't have broken up with Josh. So much has caved in on me in the past two weeks, but not this. You're the port in the storm for me." Her hand came to rest in the bend of his elbow. "I don't want you to leave."

"Really?" He had a boyish grin on his face, which had lit up more than she knew possible. It was probably the most adorable sight she'd seen in a long time.

"Not now. Not ever. I don't want to go through this without my partner."

"Just your partner?"

"Fishing for more here, Rick?" She laughed, that pesky twinge popping up again. "I think you know what I'm talking about. You're so much more than just my partner."

When he stood up, her insides fluttered. She decided, the instant she saw him today, that she wasn't letting this go again. He came to sit, right on the edge of the bed, just barely supported by it. His hand came up to cradle her chin, his thumb softly stroking the side of her face.

"So, what does this mean for us?" He asked softly.

She brought her left hand up to rest atop his against her cheek. "What do you want it to mean?"

His eyes searched hers, pools of blue meeting amber gems. Nothing but naked honesty in either one.

"I want it to mean that I can do this," he turned his hand away from her face, catching hers in his, linking their fingers together. "And that I can do this," he pressed a kiss to her fingers. "And this," slowly he leaned in, kissing the corner of her mouth ever so softly.

"And this," she bit her lip, reaching behind his head with her free hand, pulling him closer. She kissed him, with no shame, and more passion than she was anticipating.

They broke apart, only for air, grinning like a couple of high school children.

"And," he kissed her hand again, letting his lips linger longer than before, "I want it to mean that I can take you out for dinner when you're sprung from this joint."

She laughed. It felt more free than she could have imagined. "It's a date Mr. Castle."

"Anywhere you want, Kate. Say the word and I'll take you there."

"For now, I think I can be perfectly happy with takeout. Did you hear the good news? I'm allowed to have real food," she nodded her head towards the bag of pastries that Ryan had brought in earlier.

He checked his watch. "It's a little early for dinner now, but I'll run out and get us all Remy's in a couple of hours. We can have dinner with everyone tonight."

"That sounds perfect. I could go for a family dinner."

"Like I said, whatever you want."

"How about, just stay here with me for a little while? It's been kind of lonely in this big ol' bed all by myself."

"Here," he stood again and wrapped himself around her just as he had done before, "let's move you over to the other side, I don't want to accidentally agitate your-"

"You can say it Rick. My incision. My scar. My bullet wound. Ignoring it won't change anything."

"I know," he sighed as he climbed up onto the bed beside her, "but I don't like it. I wish I could rewrite the story."

"Ah, but then we may not have gotten to this comfortable position." She curled herself into his side.

"Well, that I would keep the same. Maybe just change the setting. Have you come running over to my apartment in a fit of an epiphany."

"Don't you think that would be a little out of character?"

"I like to call it artistic licensing."

She whacked his thigh. "We can't do anything to change the past. We just have to learn from it."

"That's rather profound of you, Detective."

"Eh," she shrugged, "I have my moments." Her breathing suddenly came harder, and she reluctantly realized that she really did need the medication. Her chest was starting to throb again, and there was the faint feeling of another headache coming on. "Hey, Rick?"

"Hm?"

"Can you do me a favor?"

He looked down at her, noticing the pained look on her face. "What is it? Do you need me to call someone?"

"No, no," she assured, "just, can you hit that button there, on the IV pole? It's starting to hurt again."

"You're sure you don't need a nurse? Or a doctor or something?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I just need another dose of my meds. It's going to make me sleepy again though."

"Okay then." He kissed the top of her head and carefully reaching across to hit the release for her. It hurt to see her wincing, but it was only a couple of minutes before the pain faded, and her breathing eased. "Do you want me to stay while you nap?"

"Mhmm," she hummed. "Don't go. We'll get food when I wake up in an hour or so."

She was drifting, he could tell. Her speech was slower, the words running together.

"Whatever you want, Kate. I'm not going anywhere."

"Castle," she yawned, her eyelids falling closed, despite her attempts to stay awake, "love you, too."

* * *

><p><em>Can I just say how awesome all you amazing reviewers are? You really gave me a hell of a lot more conficence to keep writing this. I'm really glad you've all enjoyed it, and I've enjoyed writing it, when I wasn't totally lost on what to write. This chapter took me longer than I wanted it to to get up, but I really wanted to get it up before tonight. I hope you all enjoyed it. <em>

_Speaking of...TONIGHT! Tonight, tonight, tonight! _

_Thanks again to everyone who's read and reviewed and put this on their alerts and favorites. Again, you're all awesome!_

_Tappin_

_=)_

_OH! And does the definition from chapter 1 make sense now? I hope so. _


End file.
